I Failed

I'm sitting in my living room, and I have this inescapable feeling of failure. My sin, my weakness, my selfishness, my shortsightedness has flooded my space with beams of darkness. The dreams that I once dreamed seem careless and poorly constructed. How long Jesus before you return. How long before failure has no impact. It is not my enemies that I am afraid of, its my friends. I dropped my sword. I let my horse run free. I didn't speak when I should have. I didn't risk. Jesus, I need your help. My friends need your help. My church needs your help. We . . . I can't do this without guidance. Father God, you are mighty. You created the earth in all of its beauty. Thank you for my wife. Thank you for my kids. Thank you for my housemates. You placed me in Tucson. You have guided my steps and redeemed my mistakes. Please, heal me. Please, restore the brokenness in my church. Mend the neglected relationships and strengthen the families that are being stretched to the breaking point. Father, restore the dream. Jesus, I'm a sinner. I've kept my mouth shut when I should have said something. I am afraid. I want people to like me. I hate conflict, and I'm self-defensive. Jesus. I want to follow you. Show me what you are doing in my life, in my family, in my friendships, and in my church. Give me the courage to join you in your mission. Holy Spirit, I'm listening. . .